In the season premiere, new groups of murder-fun are established, the Red Woman may no longer be red, and Jon Snow stays dead. For now.
First across the sea, in Meereen and the wider world of Essos, Tyrion is back pal-ing around with Varys, and while they don't do much but fret about the state of Meereen now that Dany has gone missing, there really isn't a better source of wise-ass philosophizing in this entire show. It's very West Wing. Kind of. Then, in the outlying fields and mountains, Dany's spurned lover, Jorah, and actual lover, Daario, are on the hunt, following the path of dragon-scorched rams and thoughtfully cast-off rings and hoping to find their dragon-riding queen. It's kind of like CSI: Medieval, or that bit of The Two Towers where Merry and Pippin get carried off by orcs, or even the beginning of The Witcher 3 where Geralt is on the hunt for Yennefer. You get the picture. A good hunt is fun stuff. Also, Jorah is on his way to becoming a Rock Zombie.
Finally, Dany herself: The former Khaleesi is now the prisoner of another Dothraki Khal that has, like, zero respect for her. (But like, with a squad that cracks a million more jokes than the first Dothraki Khal's. Seriously. They even do a whole "what is best in life, Conan"routine and everything.) Things look bad for her, until they find out she is the wife of a fallen Khal. Then they become less bad but still awful—because the wives of fallen Khals are sent to a temple where other widows sit and mourn for the rest of their days.
In Westeros proper, the shuffling continues: Theon/Reek and Sansa flee the Bolton men, only to be cornered and saved by the Honorable Badass Gwendoline Christie, a.k.a. Brienne of Tarth. She and her squire, Podrick (who is learning to be a bit of a sword-swinging badass himself) save Sansa and Theon, and she swears fealty to Sansa in what's probably the sweetest and most moving scene in the premiere. Anyway, it's the start of a new squad, and I'm all about these women and the men who serve them seeking revenge on the world. (Also, where the hell is Littlefinger?)
King's Landing is probably the least exciting of the bunch. Cersei and Jaime reunite, with all forgiven between them since they have the grief of another lost child (Myrcella, poisoned in Dorne) between them. Margaery Tyrell is still locked up by the Slut-Shaming Sex Police. And that's about it. Then there's Dorne, where some wild shit goes down as Doran Martell—who has refused to avenge his brother, Oberyn's, death because he'd rather swallow his pride than fight the Lannisters—is viciously killed, along with his son, by the Sand Snakes. Dorne, then, is now run by a badass trio of hardcore lady types, and Ican't wait to see what they do next.
But really, the most interesting stuff is happening up on The Wall, where Alliser Thorne and his officers openly admit to the Night's Watch that they killed Jon Snow for opening their doors to the Wildlings. While many of the watchmen are furious about this, most seem okay with it eventually, and the notable holdouts hunker down in a room with Davos and Jon's corpse and direwolf, who all have until nightfall to fall in line. It doesn't look like Davos will do that. Instead, he's going to put his faith in the Red Woman. A Red Woman who looks rather despondent and hopeless as she strips naked and removes her necklace and whoa, she's REALLY OLD.
Can we talk how much SWERVE there is in that last scene? It's like Game of Thrones said, Hey, you like seeing boobs, right? You thought we forgot about the boobs? Don't worry, bruh, we got some last-minute boobs here...JUST KIDDING, they are old crone boobs. HOW DO YA LIKE THAT, YOU PERVS.
